Boundary Lines

As my trip gets closer I find myself getting nervous, excited, and a little fearful.  As usual, when I start to feel these emotions I repeat Psalm 16 to myself. It’s become my mantra—especially verses 5-6: "Lord, You alone are my portion and my cup; You make my lot secure.  The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance."

            In the past, these verses always brought me comfort—especially verse 6: “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places”. I always considered boundaries as good.  They're something to give your kids security and safety. They're used to keep animals inside a pasture so they don't wander off and get killed or lost. They designate a person's land so everyone knows who owns what.  I felt comforted knowing that God had placed boundaries around my life, keeping me safe and secure—and then this week the enemy attacked.

Satan likes to twist Scripture.  Never have I experienced that more than this week when it struck me what ‘boundary’ really means: limit.  There’s limit in my life. Sure some of that limit is good and keeps me safe.  But there is also limit that keeps me from something I really want. Suddenly my comforting boundaries felt like a prison.  I felt trapped in the limits that God had placed on my life.  No matter what I do, I can’t achieve that certain goal.  No matter where I go, I can’t escape the reality that some of my dreams will never come true.  I suddenly was mad at God for placing those boundaries. Mad that the ‘portion and cup’ He gave me didn’t include my deepest longings. I started to despair and give the enemy a hold.

            But the Spirit inside me had some things to say, too.  I know what Scripture says: “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights” (James 1:17), “God works for the good of those who love Him” (Romans 8:28), “your Father who is in Heaven [will] give what is good to those who ask Him” (Matt. 7:11) to name a few.  God says He gives good things.  He says I have a hopeful future. God doesn’t lie.  Satan wants me to believe that I am miles away from good gifts God refuses to give me.  I started to question how God can say He’ll do one thing and then turn around and do the opposite. He can’t; but the enemy keeps trying to convince me that He does.  I continuously feel pulled in opposite directions; Satan tries to convince me that the boundaries God sets are constricting and only meant to hurt me.  But then God reminds me that He loves me and wants only what’s best for me.  

It’s strange how I can know the truth and yet still believe a lie.  How weird that even when I know that all good gifts are from God, I still find myself believing Satan’s lies.  There are some days when it’s so much easier to push God’s boundaries and demand that I get what I want.  I want to be mad at someone and God is the easiest target.  It seems every part of me feels pulled to listen to Satan and blame God for my disappointments. I despair, I’m torn, I desperately want a different life, and yet somehow I still know God’s plan is perfect. Not because I see God’s perfect plan, not because I always believe that it’s true, but because God says it’s true. So as a fellow believer said over 2000 years ago: “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24). With head in my hands, tears pouring from my eyes, my heart breaking in two I choose to surrender and believe that the boundary lines have indeed fallen for me in pleasant places.